Family

I never really go into my personal life on this Blog in regards to family, whether they are blood or by marriage I truly believe family is family no matter how screwed they are. I say screwed because as I am learning quickly in my final year of school, no one is perfect as well as no situation.

With split parents I would describe two very different family units, on the paternal side there is love just raw love. No matter who it is they will insist of our family ties, we are all so different but when a holiday rolls around no one is missing without a decent reason. My maternal side family isn't blood related, in fact it  is actually by the marriage of my mother to my step father that has brought us all together. This family is filled with skeletons, uneasy feelings, and greed. It's an intense story to tell but none the less they are family.

I don't know where I was headed with this post, I think that my unexpected snow week I had a good chance to reflect on my family visits and our different dynamics along with upcoming Thanksgiving. What I am overal trying to get at is friends can be fake, husbands and wives can leave, break ups happen everyday but family is family no matter how angry you get at each other.

I should mention to conclude this post, I am not out to the majority of my family. Mainly because I haven't found a good person that is important enough to make me want to, though I was close with Ti. You all know where that got me.

Through the Moments: My Life in Pictures

Sophmore Year-

Junior Year-

And Now - 

CCL # 56!

Be True
Love All
Trust Few
Be You

<3

Getting Fat

What makes a liar a liar, because realistically we all lie. We lie to protect our family and friends, we lie to protect ourselves, we skip around the truth to relieve ourselves of the lying stigma. Whether lying is a good thing or a bad thing is a whole topic in itself. But the person that lies just to lie is without a doubt a liar. I know a liar, and a good one at that she was my friend, my best friend. She lies like it is her job, she is fake like it is her profession. I, to this day don't know why she ever lied to me I would have accepted her for the faults and mistakes she made, I remember hearing from her that the lies were to protect me, I didn't need her shit and mine too. That is such a crap lie. Anyway that was my vent, I just saw her and of course in her mind we are totally fine and okay and her being fake well it's not okay.

On a lighter note, I really planned on writing about ex partners today. Have you ever had that moment when you look at someone you once cared about, or were with and just laugh at your misfortune; I do. It's like karma I am happy and content with the life I have, and she is well getting rounder and jollier haha. It's almost gross but to me it's sad that I have to look at her and remember that I was at one point with her. Then there is J, he is the best to creep on his photos, I find it so funny to look at his gross facial hair and his twiggy body complimented by his beer gut and just laugh at his unhappiness. I am such a bitch today.

Well I guess I need to do my school work, and you know be a good student or something to that effect.

Chubbie Chick Confession # 41 - Observe your ex for five minutes, you will be enlightened.

21 and it felt good :)

I turned twenty-one on Saturday, Oct 16th!
This was pretty much my life this weekend :)
Thought i'd share a little laugh with all of you!
THANK YOU AM & CC <3

Chubbie Chick Lesson #34 - Live it up. Drink it down.

Realization

Tonight I was out to dinner with my family, and I ran into one of my very close old friends. We said to phrases two each other "hi, how are you" and "it was so good to see you" it was probably one of the most eye opening experiences of my life. She was a stranger, then I looked at my phone June 13th 2010, it was exactly two year ago Friday, June 13th 2008 that I walked out of my high school for the last time as a student, which meant that it was only 2 years ago that me and my long lost friend spent a summer together drinking in the sweet summer, and living by the sun. The next few hours until now I can't get it out of my head, 2 years and what have I done.

There is a lot I can say I have figured out and accomplished these past 2 years. I fell in love with my sole mate, and I grew up quite a lot. I am, deep down incredibly happy and it feels good. High School was rough for me, I had zero self esteem and was pretty much clinically depressed, but I hid it well. Wow, that is the only word that really comes to mind. Two years, it doesn't seem all that long when you say it, but too me it's a while. I think about all those people that I spent thirteen years with, 79 of us and now I might talk to 5 or less, I am having extreme mixed feelings.

So now I am going to stop. No more sad, emotional, and pitiful-ness. On an upbeat note I can see S, this week hopefully :) I am so excited. Well, K and I are going to watch a movie now, I'll post tomorrow!

Chubbie Chick Lesson #22- People from the past can become the people of the future, it will just take so work.

Chubbie Chick Lesson #20 - Your Life, Your Choice.

Here is a longer lesson, I just gave myself this pep talk:

Stop whatever else you're doing, and breathe in. Today is the day you realize, this is your life. You deserve total happiness so stop settling for less. People are going to put you down, suck it up. You have always meant well so stop worrying. Who gives a shit whether Sally Sue or Harry Holster is piss off, annoyed, mad, or upset with you. Now look in the mirror, you are beautiful, who are they to judge. Breathe again, live a little and laugh. Some wise woman once told me, shit happens now f*cking smile already; that has now been revamped to fit my life and I always say "shit happens, when you party naked." Haha see you smiled a little and thought twice about something other than your problems. Depression is a disease so keep it out of your head, positivity is and will always be pro-life staying positive means there is hope and with hope all things can happen (I'm hoping for a million dollars in an unmarked suitcase). Now take you hands and shove those self loathing idiots out for good. It's your life. Go read a book, enjoy the sunshine, and dance in the rain, it's what you deserve. Go for the gold and be happy with the silver everyone knows competition is good for the soul even though it sucks to lose. Don't read so far into things people's eyes are open they see right through the downers. Bottom line; love yourself, because if you can't do that no one can even love you back.

Annoyance & Sweet Sunburn

Let me first start off by saying I had the most amazing weekend with S, she came to my home met my family, everything was perfect. We spent the weekend on the boat, tubing and swimming, what I like to call loving life. But as do all good things the weekend ended, S went home yesterday and it's back to the real world for me. Tuesday thank god were only 4 days away, but today Tuesday it's raining, I'm sitting in the Lesbian Erotica section watching the rain fall from the clouds it's only 70 degrees a dramatic change from the 90 degree weather we had only a day or so ago. Reality I hate you. So why you might think did I title this entry Annoyance well let me just tell you:

Remember the time I first mentioned S, well in that story I mention the guy before her the one that broke me. His name we will simply shorten to J and he is easily the most cunning and charming guy I have ever met. Our relationship started when I was young in about 6th grade he is two years older than me and we met in our schools ski club. J got really ballsy one day and told me he would cream me in a race around the mountain, that was his first mistake. I beat him naturally and met him at the bottom with some attitude and intense gloating. It seemed to be fate, from that day forward J and I became the best of friends and more as well, we dated and had plenty of flings to amount to a common law marriage. However I went to college and he did not, my freshman year he entangled himself in extremely sketchy business with under aged girls and that summer when I returned from my freshman year, he proposed. I said no. For me that is just a small piece of the laughs and tears I shed over J, he was the boy, guy, man who brake me and shattered my spirit. He was the one to show me there are no complete happy endings. J killed me a little.

So now I am sitting here, in the Lesbian section of B&N working on my blog when he like always FB chats with me, asking me why I didn't allow him to hang out with me this weekend, prying into my life the only way he knows how. The answer to all of his harassment seems simple block him from FB, block his number from my phone, and ignore his existence. But how can I do that how can I just pretend that all of this never happened; I can not. Looking around me at the books I'm surrounded by I find it ironic, and some what saddening, it is the in my face reminder of what I went through almost a year ago. The following words are what I wish I could say to him this instance, to tell him what he has done, burn his bridge, and free myself but I won't not now and not ever.

You are a selfish bastard to have taken my livelihood from me. Don't sit there and look stupefied you know exactly what I'm talking about and you know what you did to me. You crushed me, broke me, shattered my heart. I cried rivers of tears over you and I shouldn't have shed even one. Rot in hell, because that's where you put me for 6 months. You took my prom away from me when you said your knee hurt, but you danced with all of those other girls. You knew I loved you, you knew you were the one who brightened my life day after day. I know know your flirting was bull shit, you should have never pushed me off the bench. I hope you know no one will ever hate you with such passion the way I do, other than the mother and father of that little girl you flirted a little too much with. I hope you know my mother may think you're perfect but I do not. I hope you know the broken road you left me on lead me to someone who will protect me from you, and love me for me. I hope you go to hell. I hope you know that these are the last words I will ever say to you, and these are the last thoughts I will think of you, and when I'm gone you will have no one left to play with. I am not your puppet, and I never was. You are a fool. You are a pervert. You are an asshole. You are dead to me.

So there it is my annoyance and hurt, that is what I wish daily to say and I never will. I hope you all find the strength in yourselves to stand up to that person who hurt you.

Chubbie Chick Lesson #15- I am stronger and it's because of the tears.

A Quick Introduction :)

Hi,

So I have ZERO followers and in the off chance you are reading this first entry let me give you a quick overview of what this Blog is for: EVERYTHING. I am currently 20 years old and roughly 180 and stand no taller than 5'5. The blog name is what my mother calls me, she is a size 4 marathon runner with a strong distaste to my "tubbiness" I am as of today trying to get my shit together we'll see if it happens or not. So anyway I am going to write about me, myself, and you I will talk about everything and anything. I am in college and the likelihood of a post everyday is unrealistic, but I will try. Anyway this is all for now, stay tuned!


meg (: