Annoyance & Sweet Sunburn

Let me first start off by saying I had the most amazing weekend with S, she came to my home met my family, everything was perfect. We spent the weekend on the boat, tubing and swimming, what I like to call loving life. But as do all good things the weekend ended, S went home yesterday and it's back to the real world for me. Tuesday thank god were only 4 days away, but today Tuesday it's raining, I'm sitting in the Lesbian Erotica section watching the rain fall from the clouds it's only 70 degrees a dramatic change from the 90 degree weather we had only a day or so ago. Reality I hate you. So why you might think did I title this entry Annoyance well let me just tell you:

Remember the time I first mentioned S, well in that story I mention the guy before her the one that broke me. His name we will simply shorten to J and he is easily the most cunning and charming guy I have ever met. Our relationship started when I was young in about 6th grade he is two years older than me and we met in our schools ski club. J got really ballsy one day and told me he would cream me in a race around the mountain, that was his first mistake. I beat him naturally and met him at the bottom with some attitude and intense gloating. It seemed to be fate, from that day forward J and I became the best of friends and more as well, we dated and had plenty of flings to amount to a common law marriage. However I went to college and he did not, my freshman year he entangled himself in extremely sketchy business with under aged girls and that summer when I returned from my freshman year, he proposed. I said no. For me that is just a small piece of the laughs and tears I shed over J, he was the boy, guy, man who brake me and shattered my spirit. He was the one to show me there are no complete happy endings. J killed me a little.

So now I am sitting here, in the Lesbian section of B&N working on my blog when he like always FB chats with me, asking me why I didn't allow him to hang out with me this weekend, prying into my life the only way he knows how. The answer to all of his harassment seems simple block him from FB, block his number from my phone, and ignore his existence. But how can I do that how can I just pretend that all of this never happened; I can not. Looking around me at the books I'm surrounded by I find it ironic, and some what saddening, it is the in my face reminder of what I went through almost a year ago. The following words are what I wish I could say to him this instance, to tell him what he has done, burn his bridge, and free myself but I won't not now and not ever.

You are a selfish bastard to have taken my livelihood from me. Don't sit there and look stupefied you know exactly what I'm talking about and you know what you did to me. You crushed me, broke me, shattered my heart. I cried rivers of tears over you and I shouldn't have shed even one. Rot in hell, because that's where you put me for 6 months. You took my prom away from me when you said your knee hurt, but you danced with all of those other girls. You knew I loved you, you knew you were the one who brightened my life day after day. I know know your flirting was bull shit, you should have never pushed me off the bench. I hope you know no one will ever hate you with such passion the way I do, other than the mother and father of that little girl you flirted a little too much with. I hope you know my mother may think you're perfect but I do not. I hope you know the broken road you left me on lead me to someone who will protect me from you, and love me for me. I hope you go to hell. I hope you know that these are the last words I will ever say to you, and these are the last thoughts I will think of you, and when I'm gone you will have no one left to play with. I am not your puppet, and I never was. You are a fool. You are a pervert. You are an asshole. You are dead to me.

So there it is my annoyance and hurt, that is what I wish daily to say and I never will. I hope you all find the strength in yourselves to stand up to that person who hurt you.

Chubbie Chick Lesson #15- I am stronger and it's because of the tears.