What a day, I'm home now two hours away from where I belong and where I SHOULD be. I miss S I miss her so god damn much I feel empty. Two weeks until I see her again, mean while I will be playing a single hetero girl on the prowl. I can't keep this act up. She is everything to me, I sleep with her every night except tonight of course. When I wake up she isn't going to be here, today I was strong for her but tomorrow I'm not so sure I will be able to stay strong. I remind myself that it's better this way but is it? Leaving the love of my life to please my mother well that is just another example of me not being able to stand up to her, all at S's expense. I feel so sick, so lost, I'm hurting, and worst of all I can't even tell my mother I love her. S is everything to me, I always kid with her and tell her I'm going to marry her; well she thinks I'm kidding however, I'm not. I want to spend everyday with her from now until my next life. She has stopped texting me for the night this means she's asleep, thank god. I really hope she is sleeping, she has to work at 8am tomorrow and needs to be rested, gosh I told her I was okay but I'm such a liar I am not okay I miss her.
Chubbie Chick Lesson #12- The saying parting is such sweet sorrow doesn't even begin to describe the pit in your stomach when you leave the one you love.
Missing her,
Some might fault you for heading back home and adapting to the live your parents have picked for you but I think that there is strength in you heading back to NY. Its hard to pack up your heart along with your belongings and live a life that isn't you. It takes courage, and you're full of it. You will be here soon enough and S will be waiting with open arms. Keep your chin up. Ill try to post pictures so you never feel like you miss a beat. You can do this Meg. I love you.
ReplyDelete