Almost

Can we just all take one moment tonight to acknowledge the multiple mistakes I made the past year. I am currently doing that terrible thing some people call thinking and this is what's on my mind- free flow starting now:

I f*ck!d things up with you a long time ago and to date I live with the consequences, you are my greatest learning lesson, the one that got away, and most importantly the person who can see past the thick skin I portray. I should have never thought I was better than anyone, mainly you. I have learned while my mom taught me different, it's okay to open up and express how you feel. Shocker another lesson learned too late.

You are going to read this, hopefully not tonight and you should know I am crying, shaking, miserable it finally hit- the pain I have caused you and the damage I do by not admitting what I am feeling. The doctor told me a long time ago not to bottle, who listens to doctors though right? I'm in deep this time, all the songs, smells, hobbies, and even this blog reminds me off you and what I have lost. All because of one mistake, a major learning lesson, potentially a regret, and mainly the source of 9 months worth of misery all coming down to now because after all August marks a year since i reached out to you, trying to do the right thing, September marks a first kiss, and October marks the downward spirals our lives turned into post our week long almost. Because that's exactly what this will always be; almost.

Back to reality- if you know me don't read into this, if it doesn't shout your name it's not for you, and mainly if you finger point then you are probably too nosey for me to care but I will because mistakes change people, good bad or indifferent I am changed.