"Yeah, Head First.."

It was around 9:30 last night that I got a text message that very possibly turned my terrible week and luck around. Driving home from the hospital I was a miserable ball of stress, I was grumpy, over tired, and most of all really freaking angry with the world. When I saw a text from her, and I picked up the phone to call her because I missed her voice. She asked me if I wanted to Skype with her since she is 120 miles away from me, I told her 10:00 then she responded with the most incredible words ever "or get a drink?" Making fun of her slip up instantly I told her I was not in the area and while I would love to see her MORE THAN ANYTHING I wouldn't be able to, she replied that she was 30 minutes away and made my night. So yeah that is my girlfriend, I am so lucky, she picked me up and spent an hour with me before leaving. She made life seem manageable again and gave me the best Christmas surprise ever. I believe in miracles again because of last night (since I have been home I wished every night for her, she has no idea).

My girlfriend is so good to me though, I really don't have any other way to phrase it. I am so lucky. Even last night I was stuttering and fumbling words like I was severely impaired and at one point couldn't even vocalize my feelings, just looking at her and said "yeah, head first" it was ridiculous. My feelings for her are strong, I have never really seen myself for a sucker but with her I am. I really get scared at points like am I making good choices, will I get hurt again, when can I let down these walls I constructed after S & J but slowly we are figuring it out wall by wall. She makes me feel comfortable, and stable she isn't dependent but loves spending time with me, she always knows what to say to make me blush, and her smile is one of the most contagious things I have encountered. The thing about her though that drives me wild is her mind, I am a people reader I can get in peoples' heads and know what they want and what they are thinking just not her.

Bottom line is that I know I'm not a perfect person and have a difficult personality, she isn't an angel either and she can be so stubborn at times but I would rather have her at her worst then anyone else at their best. It isn't love and most certainly involves lust but that's up for renegotiation soon, stay tuned.

 Chubbie Chick Lesson # 48 - You deserve this, don't fight it.

PS. As far as the bad week goes I am not going to talk about it on here, it's very personal and I just don't feel like I am going to be able to verbalize the things in my head in a nice way, and also family members are sick and they deserve privacy.