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You are my best friend. However this is my last ditch effort. I can live without you but I don't want to. I know you don't know how I feel, I know you have a new life, and I know you're happy. But I am still here waiting but I am not waiting forever. I love you for your smelliest shit and your most wonderful attributes, how many people can you say that about. The thing is lately you don't need me, that makes me feel lost. I depended on you, I should never have done that. Sometimes I wonder if we will be friends again.. let me tell you how I'm feeling:

My Heart: Is broken. It has told me that no one should make me feel this way. It wants you back in my life. It would admit under gun point that I might need you more than I realize.

My Head: Thinks I am a fool. Second chances come few with this human. It says that you had a shot, and another, and one more, now your done. Most of all it hurts because I have cried rivers over you.

So what to do is the question, realistically this is the question of my life though. Which to follow, what path to chose. I have a tattoo on my body that instructs me to follow my heart but when I do, I get hurt. A beautiful person once told me that if heartbreak wasn't a risk then you're not living I think she might be right. I also know that mentally and internally I might not be able to take another blow like the one she caused.

Bottom line, all I want is to talk to her more specifically for her to want to talk to me.

Chubbie Chick Lesson # 36 - I chose heart.